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Caring for Children - By Shaykh Ashraf Salah
Caring for
Children
By Shaykh Ashraf Salah
Dear
Muslims:
Allah (SWT) commanded you as regards to
your children to properly raise them, encouraging obedience and discouraging
disobedience, and to command them and enjoin prayers on them, and to utilize
their times with things that will have pleasant consequences. Allah (SWT) says:
“O you who believe! Save yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is
Men and Stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who
disobey not (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allah, but do
(precisely) what they are commanded” (66:6). He (SWT) also says: "Enjoin
prayer on your family and be patient in offering them, we ask not of you a
provision, we provide for you and the good end is for the pious" (20:132).
Caring for
children and adhering to the command and advise regarding them, starts with the
man and woman asking their Lord to provide them with the righteous spouse, with
good manners and sound faith. Allah (SWT) is praising His servants who say
"..our Lord bestow on us from our wives and our offspring's the comfort of
our eyes and make us leaders of the pious" (25:74). Allah (SWT) informed
us of the story of Musa when he saw the girls of the righteous man, who were
properly mannered and chaste. He says which translates as: "My Lord, truly
I am in need of whatever good that you bestowed on me" (28:24). This is
how we must supplicate to Allah (SWT), asking him for a righteous wife that
helps in being obedient.
Dear Muslims:
The second issue,
which brings about joy and happiness, is that the husband and wife supplicate
to Allah for righteous offspring. As Allah (SWT) informed us about Ibrahim
(PBUH) who said: "O My Lord make me one who perform prayer and from my
offspring's, O Lord and accept my invocations" (14:40 ). Ibrahim (PBUH) also said with Isma’il
(PBUH): "Our Lord and make us submissive on to you and of our offspring's
a nation submissive on to you" (2:128).
Moreover, Allah
(SWT) says regarding Zakariyah (PBUH): "O My Lord, grant me from you a
good offspring's you are indeed the all hearer of invocations " (3:38).
This proves that a
righteous child is one of the greatest bounties and favors from Allah (SWT).
Why would it not be when the Prophet (PBUH) mentioned: "When the son of
Adam dies, he loses benefit from his deeds except from three. A charity that is
continuous in benefit, beneficial knowledge and a righteous son that
supplicates for him". (Muslim). Allah (SWT) says about righteous parents
and their children: “And those who believe and whose families follow them in
Faith, to them shall We join their families: nor shall We decrease the reward
of their deeds in anything. Every person
is a pledge for that which he has earned”. (52:21).
Dear Muslims:
Adhering to the
command and advise of Allah (SWT) concerning children and family, is to be
sincere in supplicating for them to have all good. Not to curse them even at
the time of anger, that is because the supplications for or against the child
is accepted. Allah (SWT) informed us about Ibrahim (PBUH) when he supplicated
for his offspring when he said which translates as: "..And Keep me and my
sons away form worshiping idols" (14:35 ).
Therefore, Allah (SWT) accepted his supplication and made his sons Prophets to
guide humankind. Also, it is reported by Muslim that the messenger of Allah
(PBUH) said: "Don't curse yourselves and don't curse your children and
don't curse your wealth because you might coincide with an hour of acceptance
with Allah, then he accepts the supplications and replies".
Fathers and mothers:
Take care of your
children, raise them righteously to be grateful and they will be helpful and
heavier on your scale on the Day of Judgment. We should discipline our children
and inculcate good manners in them though they might be at a young age because
teaching and raising properly from a young age is like someone engraving on
rocks, it stays and its effect is lasting. Hasan Ibnu Ali (RAA) when he was a
young child crawling on the floor took a date from the dates of charity and put
it in his mouth. The Prophet (PBUH) took it out of his mouth threw it away and
said "Did you not know that we, meaning the household of the Prophet
(PBUH) cannot eat from property of charity". (Bukhari). Amr Ibn Salama
(RAA) said: "I was a young boy under the care of the messenger (PBUH) and
my hand used to go around the dish while eating. He (PBUH) said to me "O Boy, say Bismillah, and eat with your
right hand and eat of the dish what is near to you". Then Amr said
"Since that I have applied those instruction while eating".
(Bukhari).
O Muslims, the
companions, (RAA) used to desire justice between their children even in the
distribution of kisses. The reason for that is, one of the companions specified
the child in giving a gift, and wanted the Prophet (PBUH) to attend to that and
testify to it. So the Prophet (PBUH) said "Did you do that with the rest
of your children”. He said: "No". The prophet said: "Wouldn't
you like that they all have the same level of dutifulness towards you”. He
said: "Yes ". The prophet said: " Then fear Allah, and be just
between your children". In another narration, he said: "I only
testify to that which is the truth".(Bukhari).
This Hadith
represent an asset to be resorted to, in order to inculcate justice in the
hearts of fathers, since injustice is always a cause of enmities, especially if
it comes from a father. The result of hatred is that the children will lose the
right way. If we examine the incidents of adversities and hatred among brothers
and sisters, it will be seen that these incidents are the result of injustice.
Dear Brothers And Sisters In Islam:
The Prophet (PBUH)
stressed in words and in deeds on the kindness towards children and avoiding
hard-heartedness when dealing with them. ‘A’ishah narrated: “A Bedouin came to
the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) and said: You kiss your children, while we do not
kiss them. The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: “I can not help that Allah has
removed mercy from your heart”. Muslim narrated it on the authority of Anas,
who said: ‘I have never seen a man more kind with children than the Prophet
(PBUH)’. Anas also said: ‘The Prophet (PBUH) had the sharpest sense of humor
with children’.
Also, Islam
emphasizes that fathers be good examples for their children, especially in
moral qualities, which considerably affects the heart and soul. The Islamic
generation today is in a dire need of men, women, old and young to recognize
this fact, and to be good examples in order to be paragons of guidance and
goodness. Hence, the Prophet (PBUH) encouraged parents and guardians to be good
examples for children, so that they may be acquainted with goodness from an
early age and acquire good qualities and noble characters.
Abu Dawud and
Al-Baihaqi narrated on the authority of ‘Abdullah bin ‘Umar (RAA) who said:
“One day, my mother called me, while the Messenger was present in our house,
and said: O ‘Abdullah! Come! I want to give you something. The Messenger of
Allah (PBUH) said: “What will you give him?” She said: I want to give him some
dates. He said: “If you did not give him anything, it would have been recorded
as a lie on your part”. It was also narrated that the Prophet (PBUH) said:
“Whoever says to a child ‘Come and take this!’ but does not give him anything,
it will be counted as a lie” (Ahmad). This is a way of inculcating in children
to tell the truth and not to tell lies.
Dear Muslims:
In spite of the
Prophet’s great mercy, he (PBUH) ordered people to discipline their children
and inculcate good manners in them. The Prophet (PBUH) said: “Whenever any one
of you has a child, he should give him a good name and discipline him
properly”.
Thus, disciplining
children is a requirement, and exhorting them to do good is advised. To divert
children from the evil ways is a double protection for them from corruption.
Imam Ahmad narrated in his Musnad from Abu Rafi’ bin Amr (RAA) that he said: “I
was throwing pebbles at palms that belonged to the Ansar. The people brought me
to the Prophet (PBUH) who said: “Young boy! Why do you throw pebbles at the
palms?” I answered: I want to eat dates. He said: “Do not throw pebbles at
dates. Instead, eat of the falling dates under the palms.” He then patted on my
head and said: “O Allah! Let his belly feel satisfaction”. Thus, it is expected
that the children may commit unintentional mistakes, which should be corrected,
rather than ignored. Unfortunately, many parents and guardians either deal
harshly with children when they do something wrong, which is contrary to the
Islamic education, or ignore such mistakes even it is dangerous and harmful.
This spoils the morals of children.
It is important here to mention that we
should carefully choose the friends of our children because the evil company,
is one of the main causes of all problems that our children face. Prophet
Mohammad (PBUH) warned us saying, "The person is following his company
behavior, so every one must watch for his company." (Abu-dawoud and
At-tirmithi).
May Allah (SWT) help us
to bring up our children properly and to lead them to the success of this world
and the hereafter. (Ameen).
